Journal 29-Self

Let me start this by saying that I have no idea what is going on. The Transcendentalist self is going to be extremely difficult to define. Who am I? What am I like when no one is looking? I am a quiet person, when I am alone, no one is pressuring me to do anything. At home I feel free. When I am at school I have to act the way people want me to. I act in a way that I will be accepted by others. When I am at home, I am more relaxed. My personality is more laid backed, I like spending time outside where it is quiet and peaceful. It gives me time to reflect on life and evaluate myself. That is what I am doing right now. The Transcendentalist Idea that "all nature, and all people reflect the idea" means that everyone is an individual. They may appear the same on the outside, but on the inside they are all different. For me on the outside I try to be like the other athletes. I try to be athletic, in-shape, "cool" and indifferent about everything else in school. I try to be like them, but I am also different. I am not that different at home as I am at school. At home I am more calm and quiet, but that is about it. At school I try to be a good example of a Christian. I want to make other people wonder why I do not go out and part, or why I do not cuss. I want to show others that I do not have to do those things to feel content or to feel happy. I know that I am accepted for who I am because of Christ. I know that I do not need to do things to be accepted, but it is human nature to try and be accepted. My life at school and how I live is not fake. I do not change myself for people. The reason I am quiet at home is because there are fewer people to talk to. I do change a little bit, but I try not to.